Monday Netbowels

MOURN

You all know about Angelfire right? Back in the days of Dial Up, any fool with a keyboard could splatter their minds onto the internet for free thanks to great little go getters like Angelfire. And by go getter I mean, it goes for gimps and you get ads and vomit.

There's a chap I want you to meet. His name is Cryptie. He's a forklift driving Goth Cross Dresser.

That's so manly yet so feminine yet so alternative all at once I think I splinched my sexual dimorphism. I've known some Goth Cross Dressers, but never one that drives a forklift.

Or one that does the Goth Cross Dressing at work, on the forklift.


Cryptie's got it all. Dark poetry, romanticism about the netherworld and buckets of MOURN. Yet somehow, Cryptie so truely believes the words he writes, he is truely the Alpha, the source. not some cheap knockoff like some of these chicks.

So raise a glass of your loved ones blood to Cryptie, the most unique forklift driver in the universe!

/MOURN

Kick/Ban

Just the other day, Large video game company, EA banned me from posting to their servers for 7 days. This feat was only attained by building a "Cock" like creature in the "Sim's on crack" game Spore, that will come out in a few months.

Spore, for those not in the know, is a "God" game. In that you are "god" or the creator of all life, but it still is only a game. It is not ment to replace "God" or say that there isn't one.

In Spore you start out as a single celled creature, that must survive life till you can "evolve" at the hand of "god" (you). Then you go through several phases where you will profit. One of the phases is being a animal, and the Creature Creator lets to "experiment" with building them from D N A!!!!1!

So, the other day I downloaded the "game" from the interwebs, and gave it a go. It was pretty good, you can make basically anything.

Yep, you read me right, any-fucking-thing. You are only limited to your imagination, and if you havn't got one, you can download other peoples from the interwebs as EA isn't spending money on building characters for their games anymore You build them (or download other peoples ones.)

Well, one of the first animals I made was called Kocknballs, which was basically a beast that looked like a penis with two balls attached. It wasn't no "one eyed snake" but rather a "one mouth monster" that would move about boucing on its balls.

Well, I got a 7 day ban for that one.

My new question is, will I get banned for my latest creature?



I call it beast "Goatse". Click on the image for a larger version, including "Goatse Spawn".

Now, if I don't get banned for this beast, because I am hinting at Mr Interweb Super-Highway himself, then I can see this grim future for people playing Spore in less than 6 months time...

Every planet in the Spore universe will be full of creature that should belong to a porn game! Little Timmy will be playing with his Pikachu like being, only to have a giant bearded clam eat it up, before moving onto a Spitting Snake with one eye for its next meal.

Im going to pre-order the game now!

*INTERNET-CYBERSPACE UPDATE!*

Looks like the fine people at Something Awful have been fucking around with Spore too. Check out these. Also check out their version of Goatse too.

Monday Netbowels

The Dolphin Sex FAQ did the rounds in the internets many years ago now. At the time people were shocked, in the manner of a train wreck, by it's forthright honesty and complete lack of unease at it's own ethical reality.

But the piece persisted and now I regret to inform you, the zoophiles have won.




Disclaimer: I thought it was funny. I guess it's only a matter of time till they get me too.

This one is for Google.

Are you having trouble downloading torrents on a computer running Windows Vista? You are? WOW! Good thing I have wrote this quick post.

I use uTorrent, and the first time I used it on my Vista machine, it worked fine, then the next time I ran it I got "Access Denied" messages, despite having all my ports open and what not.

One thing that the "Forums" and "Help sites" fail to ask. What version of Windows are you using?

If you are using XP, well fuck off, it should be working. Vista? Well you are in luck. Hopefully.

Assuming you have tried all the other "fixes" that the various sites on the intertubes have been spruking, you can always try this one.

Run as Administrator.

Now, I will assume that you are a computer n00b that just bought a PC/Laptop with Vista already installed, and have no idea on what I just mentioned.

Vista is the latest version of Windows (that comes in several tastes), that has what I call a "N00b protector" built in. What this is, is a series of pop-ups, and non-pop-ups, that like to double check to see if the user really knows what they are doing, and if they really want to do it. Like viewing the source code for a website from Internet Explorer in Notepad will bring up a "Do you want to really do this" message.

Sometimes this could be great, but its the pop-ups that don't pop-up that are annoying.

Take uTorrent for example. This should have a "You need to run this as Administrator" message, but it doesn't. Not doing so will cause it to fail in the task of saving downloaded data.

Now assuming that you have got this far, you are a Computer N00b, and have been pwned by Vista again. So this is what you do to get it to work.

Find the Icon for uTorrent in the Start Menu. Right click on it to bring up a sub-menu, then select "Run as Administrator". Simple.

You will need to do this everytime you run uTorrent.

I dream of Kidneys.

Wow, another dream post, thats never happened before. Well, this IS NOT going to be a dream diary weblog, it is just that I want Tough Nuff's ideas on what it all means.

So, I am having this dream where I am in Geelong, although it isn't Geelong, but for some reason, my mind thinks it is. Kinda like when a TV show shoots in New York, but pretends it is LA or something. Same thing. This wasn't Geelong.

Stupid brain.

So I am in Geelong (but I wasn't) and for some reason I am at a birthday party in KFC, and there is a nutjob, ranting and raving at something. Something that I did, but it wasn't clear, cause I wasn't in Geelong, although it was.

He starts waving a knife about, all the while ranting, then goes outside and starts slashing tyres of cars.

Thinking that I would get the wrath of the people in KFC thrown down on me, I thought I could inform everyone what was happening, and get them to go outside to "stop" him. Well it work.

Scene change.

We are now in a barn, the kind where they do boot scooting in. Possibly a B 'n' S Ball venue. Come to think of it, there was Bundy and coke ads up on the wall. Well anyway, this part I can recall, clear as day.

The nutter says. "One shot is a amature, two shots is a professional."

I then look up to my left, and what could have been a DJ booth, there were three men, pointing handguns at me.

Some how I got the group of angry KFC customers, now Boot Scooters, to surround me and give the gun men a harder target to hit. The crown started moving, and I lost sight of the nut bag.

I started to panic, looking around for him everywhere, then I feel a cold blade enter my back and slice through my kidneys, twice. Next thing I remember is falling down in a pool of my own blood then waking up outside a Hospital, 100% fine.

I don't know what that means. Maybe I have been playing too much GTA.

Well the dream then goes on to me having teh sex with a old Girlfriend. I mean, WTF, I havn't had a dream of her in like 5 years, then I have a sex dream about her. Then we end up (still having teh sex) at some float parade, watching a giant Richard Nixon in army gear, sitting in a Jeep with the number plate saying "I <3 Nam" Now if that isn't WTF material, then I don't know what is.

Tough Nuff, I need some thoughts on this. Anyone else can help too.

Goth sex gets a light drossing

In the news, an Italian couple got caught doing the deed in a church confessional.

What CNN doesn't tell you is they were two goths and had been out on the piss all night. And when I'm out on the devil brew I know that the though of gooly tennis in a church gets me H O T!

The best I ever did was on the grounds of a primary school at night.

Fuck I was good though.

Monday Netbowels

In the real world, advertisers don't do confronting adverts designed to inspire fear or sinful desire. Unless they serve politicians of course. (Because the things Pollies use to control us must not be freely available for everyone else to enjoy, thus dampening their control. Fucking Politicians!)

This is a shame, because I love a good scare and a bit of lust, anger, gluttony and especially wrath. With respect of course.

So to plug the gap, heres the best Windex commercials never shown on TV.



I like "It works, because it's poison" and "Fantasy Portal, you think you want it, but you don't."

Yours?