You would be stupid to buy this.

Been looking around Safeway today, and they have brought out their Christmas stuff already! OMG! Its only October!

Yeah, yeah, we have all heard that before. You act all shocked that a supermarket will dare to do something so "early". (I have heard that Supermarkets will start selling Easter stuff in January next year. One date I heard was the 01/01/09)

Anyway, I noticed they had a whole range of cheap knock off China toys that you can buy on ebay from Hong Kong sellers from $0.99. Some boxes even sported bad Engrish. However, there was one toy (or collection of them) that I wouldn't have minded getting if I was 6 or 26.

They were "Road-Bots". Knock off "Autobots" of Transformers fame. However, they are official licensed transforming cars. So the Ford is a "real" Ford. The Toyota is offical too. Some boxes even had a hologram of the Carmaker to "prove" that they approve.

Anyway, these are for sale at Safeway (and maybe even Woolworths) for $30. Bargin!

Well they are considering this Asshole is selling one for $74.50 before postage!

THE

FUCK?


Click for larger.

This guy even tries to tie the fake transformer to the real ones by adding "Bumblebee?" to the description.

So this dickhead has a markup of $44.50 on this. I don't think he got it from Woolworths because the photos on the auction page lack the "Imported by: Woolworths" crap, but that just comes off with ease.

No, he must have imported it himself to sell at a HUGE markup.

What about postage? Well it is a rather bulky item.

NSW and ACT gets to pay $16.50 extra. VIC and QLD pay $36.50. SA, WA and TAS $39.50! NT residents get to pay $49.50 extra!!! Fuck right off. Figurewiseman is not really that wise.

I would hate to be the guy that buys this, only to discover it in Woolworths for less.

And then there is THIS asshole.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Evening Dessert Shake

It's Saturday night and once again, as for the last five years, I ain't goin nowheres!

So heres a little post-chore pick me up I'd like to share. Something to get you through the lonely hours.

It's the most debauched night of the week that I'm not a part of. For gods sake, I should be up to my eyeballs in female pubic hair twice by 8pm and I'm sitting here getting set for some Command and Conquer. The only boobs and vulva I'm getting tonight are heavily pixelated ones I can't touch. Oh how the mighty has FALLEN!!

But I digress. Here tis, the Evening Dessert Shake.

In a tall glass put

One part Frangelico
Two parts butterscotch schnapps
Two Parts Father O Leary's Cappucino.
One part Kalua

By now that tall glass should be half full. Keep pouring the schnapps if not. Fill to the top with milk. Sprinkle a moss bed of milo and nutmeg on top.

Hit that sucka!

Is it as good for you as it is for meeeeeeeeee........

night night.

I've started dancing at nights now.

Joy exists to be shared, in as retarded a manner as possible!


Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Get a head in life.

I just seen what could possibly be the coolest thing ever. Cooler than the head of Master Cheif from the Halo 3 collectors edition.

I present to you, the head of Stewie Griffin!



This is the "box set" of all 7 seasons of Family Guy and the two "movies" (Untold Story and Blue Harvest" all packaged inside a head that measures 249mm x 355mm x 240mm!

Now if the Master Cheif head is anything to go by. You should be able to wear this one. However, you might have to unscrew some screws, and use a hot glue gun to glue it back together, BUT you could wear it.



Kinda like this dufus with his Halo helmet. Or like this one standing at the side of a freeway with a full suit on and a Energy Sword waving at the people driving by.

<

Dorks.

New shoes blues.

Sounds familiar. Well it should. Not that I can go into details.

Two weeks ago I bought some new killer work boots, and by killer, I mean killer on my ankles. They are the same kind that I bought a couple of years back that felt like I was walking around with bricks strapped to my feet, and sand paper glued to my ankles. This time its just the sand paper.

Last week, I thought I broke the shoes in too. The pain went away, until yesterday when I walked to work. After I got home and pulled the boots off, I found my ankles were red raw.

FUCK do they hurt, and its a day later. I don't know if I can stand it any longer. Drugs might help.

Anyway, back to scam baiting.

Best Saturday spent at home EVER!

Some exciting news...

A physical release of Nine Inch Nails' The Slip will be available worldwide
in the upcoming days as a limited edition CD with bonus DVD through the Null
Corporation label. Release dates as follows...

Australia: July 19
Europe: July 21
US: July 22
Canada: July 22
Japan: July 22
UK: July 28

Problem? July 19 was 7 days ago.

Does this mean I missed out already?

Guessing by the following, yes. Yes I did. Being on the mailing list is pure pants!

The Slip is now available in an individually numbered 2 disc, 6 panel digipak & double gatefold vinyl.

The Slip digipaks will be LIMITED to 250,000 pieces only, each individually numbered, and will include a DVD of NIN performing live tracks from The Slip at rehearsals, a 24-page booklet, and an exclusive sticker pack.

Joss Whedon owes me a punch in the face

I've been carrying some literary baggage for sometime. I used to think that singular ownership of a noun required a latent apostrophe on the 's'. It is in fact the other way around, you do it on group ownership.

You'd think being a fan of Bob the Angry Flower I would have known this in the first place.

There's nothing good about a bully without a clue. That is now, officially, me.

In penitence: I used to be a big fan of John Farnham and INXS. What can I say, it was a coastal town which only had the top 40 on the radio. I was also 8 years old.

You may now beat me at your leisure.

I am gay for Joss Whedon

I am also gay for Nathan Fillion. And Trent. And Maynard. And Brian Blessed. And Ian McKellar. And Cynthia.

Anyway, Joss' latest project is Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog.

Hey Joss, it's "Horribles'", See how the latent apostrophe indicates singular ownership? That's a rule. I'm afraid you now have to hand me your literature credentials.

Monday Netbowels

It's really hard for me to hate on Wesley Willis. On one hand, Napster introduced me to his Warhellride music and I quickly turned and ran. On the other, he has made more of his hand in life than others could hope too. All with a constant stream of gross epithets displaying no genius beyond his absolute honesty with the creative process.

RIP Wesley Willis, sucking a constipated goats dick fucking jerk!

Monday Netbowels

Never let it be said that I don't enjoy satire.

And never let it be said that belief isn't blind to satire. (for the slow ones, that was a double negative)

Seriously, the amount of net friends I have who pumped their fists to the following scares me.


America Rules England Sucks

Monday Netbowels

MOURN

You all know about Angelfire right? Back in the days of Dial Up, any fool with a keyboard could splatter their minds onto the internet for free thanks to great little go getters like Angelfire. And by go getter I mean, it goes for gimps and you get ads and vomit.

There's a chap I want you to meet. His name is Cryptie. He's a forklift driving Goth Cross Dresser.

That's so manly yet so feminine yet so alternative all at once I think I splinched my sexual dimorphism. I've known some Goth Cross Dressers, but never one that drives a forklift.

Or one that does the Goth Cross Dressing at work, on the forklift.


Cryptie's got it all. Dark poetry, romanticism about the netherworld and buckets of MOURN. Yet somehow, Cryptie so truely believes the words he writes, he is truely the Alpha, the source. not some cheap knockoff like some of these chicks.

So raise a glass of your loved ones blood to Cryptie, the most unique forklift driver in the universe!

/MOURN

Kick/Ban

Just the other day, Large video game company, EA banned me from posting to their servers for 7 days. This feat was only attained by building a "Cock" like creature in the "Sim's on crack" game Spore, that will come out in a few months.

Spore, for those not in the know, is a "God" game. In that you are "god" or the creator of all life, but it still is only a game. It is not ment to replace "God" or say that there isn't one.

In Spore you start out as a single celled creature, that must survive life till you can "evolve" at the hand of "god" (you). Then you go through several phases where you will profit. One of the phases is being a animal, and the Creature Creator lets to "experiment" with building them from D N A!!!!1!

So, the other day I downloaded the "game" from the interwebs, and gave it a go. It was pretty good, you can make basically anything.

Yep, you read me right, any-fucking-thing. You are only limited to your imagination, and if you havn't got one, you can download other peoples from the interwebs as EA isn't spending money on building characters for their games anymore You build them (or download other peoples ones.)

Well, one of the first animals I made was called Kocknballs, which was basically a beast that looked like a penis with two balls attached. It wasn't no "one eyed snake" but rather a "one mouth monster" that would move about boucing on its balls.

Well, I got a 7 day ban for that one.

My new question is, will I get banned for my latest creature?



I call it beast "Goatse". Click on the image for a larger version, including "Goatse Spawn".

Now, if I don't get banned for this beast, because I am hinting at Mr Interweb Super-Highway himself, then I can see this grim future for people playing Spore in less than 6 months time...

Every planet in the Spore universe will be full of creature that should belong to a porn game! Little Timmy will be playing with his Pikachu like being, only to have a giant bearded clam eat it up, before moving onto a Spitting Snake with one eye for its next meal.

Im going to pre-order the game now!

*INTERNET-CYBERSPACE UPDATE!*

Looks like the fine people at Something Awful have been fucking around with Spore too. Check out these. Also check out their version of Goatse too.

Monday Netbowels

The Dolphin Sex FAQ did the rounds in the internets many years ago now. At the time people were shocked, in the manner of a train wreck, by it's forthright honesty and complete lack of unease at it's own ethical reality.

But the piece persisted and now I regret to inform you, the zoophiles have won.




Disclaimer: I thought it was funny. I guess it's only a matter of time till they get me too.

This one is for Google.

Are you having trouble downloading torrents on a computer running Windows Vista? You are? WOW! Good thing I have wrote this quick post.

I use uTorrent, and the first time I used it on my Vista machine, it worked fine, then the next time I ran it I got "Access Denied" messages, despite having all my ports open and what not.

One thing that the "Forums" and "Help sites" fail to ask. What version of Windows are you using?

If you are using XP, well fuck off, it should be working. Vista? Well you are in luck. Hopefully.

Assuming you have tried all the other "fixes" that the various sites on the intertubes have been spruking, you can always try this one.

Run as Administrator.

Now, I will assume that you are a computer n00b that just bought a PC/Laptop with Vista already installed, and have no idea on what I just mentioned.

Vista is the latest version of Windows (that comes in several tastes), that has what I call a "N00b protector" built in. What this is, is a series of pop-ups, and non-pop-ups, that like to double check to see if the user really knows what they are doing, and if they really want to do it. Like viewing the source code for a website from Internet Explorer in Notepad will bring up a "Do you want to really do this" message.

Sometimes this could be great, but its the pop-ups that don't pop-up that are annoying.

Take uTorrent for example. This should have a "You need to run this as Administrator" message, but it doesn't. Not doing so will cause it to fail in the task of saving downloaded data.

Now assuming that you have got this far, you are a Computer N00b, and have been pwned by Vista again. So this is what you do to get it to work.

Find the Icon for uTorrent in the Start Menu. Right click on it to bring up a sub-menu, then select "Run as Administrator". Simple.

You will need to do this everytime you run uTorrent.

I dream of Kidneys.

Wow, another dream post, thats never happened before. Well, this IS NOT going to be a dream diary weblog, it is just that I want Tough Nuff's ideas on what it all means.

So, I am having this dream where I am in Geelong, although it isn't Geelong, but for some reason, my mind thinks it is. Kinda like when a TV show shoots in New York, but pretends it is LA or something. Same thing. This wasn't Geelong.

Stupid brain.

So I am in Geelong (but I wasn't) and for some reason I am at a birthday party in KFC, and there is a nutjob, ranting and raving at something. Something that I did, but it wasn't clear, cause I wasn't in Geelong, although it was.

He starts waving a knife about, all the while ranting, then goes outside and starts slashing tyres of cars.

Thinking that I would get the wrath of the people in KFC thrown down on me, I thought I could inform everyone what was happening, and get them to go outside to "stop" him. Well it work.

Scene change.

We are now in a barn, the kind where they do boot scooting in. Possibly a B 'n' S Ball venue. Come to think of it, there was Bundy and coke ads up on the wall. Well anyway, this part I can recall, clear as day.

The nutter says. "One shot is a amature, two shots is a professional."

I then look up to my left, and what could have been a DJ booth, there were three men, pointing handguns at me.

Some how I got the group of angry KFC customers, now Boot Scooters, to surround me and give the gun men a harder target to hit. The crown started moving, and I lost sight of the nut bag.

I started to panic, looking around for him everywhere, then I feel a cold blade enter my back and slice through my kidneys, twice. Next thing I remember is falling down in a pool of my own blood then waking up outside a Hospital, 100% fine.

I don't know what that means. Maybe I have been playing too much GTA.

Well the dream then goes on to me having teh sex with a old Girlfriend. I mean, WTF, I havn't had a dream of her in like 5 years, then I have a sex dream about her. Then we end up (still having teh sex) at some float parade, watching a giant Richard Nixon in army gear, sitting in a Jeep with the number plate saying "I <3 Nam" Now if that isn't WTF material, then I don't know what is.

Tough Nuff, I need some thoughts on this. Anyone else can help too.

Goth sex gets a light drossing

In the news, an Italian couple got caught doing the deed in a church confessional.

What CNN doesn't tell you is they were two goths and had been out on the piss all night. And when I'm out on the devil brew I know that the though of gooly tennis in a church gets me H O T!

The best I ever did was on the grounds of a primary school at night.

Fuck I was good though.

Monday Netbowels

In the real world, advertisers don't do confronting adverts designed to inspire fear or sinful desire. Unless they serve politicians of course. (Because the things Pollies use to control us must not be freely available for everyone else to enjoy, thus dampening their control. Fucking Politicians!)

This is a shame, because I love a good scare and a bit of lust, anger, gluttony and especially wrath. With respect of course.

So to plug the gap, heres the best Windex commercials never shown on TV.



I like "It works, because it's poison" and "Fantasy Portal, you think you want it, but you don't."

Yours?

I dream of Teeth.

I don't know about you, but I have some strange dreams, one of which stands out.

Every so often I will have a dream that involves my teeth. I think I have pretty good teeth, except for one that needs some attention, but these dreams were happening since I was a teenager.

The dreams are mostly the same. The bottom row will either stick to the top row, or my jaw will lockup while the bottom row of teeth are behind the top when my mouth is closed. Then I become scared. Woried that if I force my mouth open, my teeth will break and shatter.

Now these dreams had been pretty much the same, then they changed where I would try to open my mouth. Can you guess what happens next? Thats right, my teeth will break, or they will fall out. In the dream world this scares me more. Thoughts of trying to explain what happends to my teeth run through my head.

A while back, I had something happen to a molar. I had some wisdom teeth grow through, and they must have caused some stress on one of my back molars, that while eating some fucking corn chips, the tooth broke, cracked, and fell to peices.

Sure, you would think it would hurt, but it didn't. Was I worried? No. I think these dreams kind of prepaired me for what happened. What is scary though is I still have the dreams.

I had one last night. This one was different. Not only did I break my teeth when I tried to open my mouth, but my fucking jaw broke too.

You might be thinking that is bad, but while I was removing the bits of teeth from my mouth, as not to swollow them, I also removed a peice of my jaw.

Now I don't want to ever experience the sensation my dream gave me while I pulled on the tooth and the jaw bone came through my gums, but it was really horrible. Luckily on the real world, there are tendons and stuff attached to the bone, stuff that should keep it in my face.

Now I don't know wha this latest dream is telling me. Thats if dreams have meaning. I like the idea that dreams are just views into another universe, but if that happened in another universe, then I feel sorry for the other me.

So dear reader(s), what crazy dreams have you had?

I bruised my cock.

HA! Yeah true story, and a rather lame one at that. While tossing off to some interwebs pron on Spank Wire, I must have been fapping my cock so hard that I bruised the shaft.

Fuck, why does pr0n have to be so hott? Well some of it is anyway.

Then you have the really bad crap, VHS copies of really bad VHS recordings of really really bad pr0n0 acting.

Spank Wire has that kind, but they have a shitload of great stuff too. It is like a drug. I need to whack off again dammit!

First Post!

Hello interweb-o-vision! Teh Nuff Nuff here to tell you all that you should stay tuned to this site, for in the coming days there will be content!

The Nuff Nuff signing out.